Saturday, 10 May 2008

• Murphy's photography laws

  Murphy's Photography Laws
  
  

  • You are not Ansel Adams
  • Neither are you Herb Ritz
  • Automatic Cameras - Aren't
  • Auto Focus - won't
  • If you can't remember, you left the film at home
  • No photo assignment remains unchanged after the first day of shooting
  • When in doubt, motor out
  • If a photo shoot goes too smoothly, then the lab will lose the film
  • If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid
  • Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Client is watching
  • The most critical roll of film is fogged
  • If you forgot, then you did not rewind the film
  • Photo Assistants are essential, they give photographers someone to yell at
  • The one item (batteries, film, and ect.) you need is always in short supply
  • Interchangeable parts aren't
  • Long life batteries only last for a couple of rolls
  • Weather never cooperates
  • Everything always works in your home, everything always fails on location
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
  • The newest and least experienced photographer will usually win the Pulitzer
  • Every instruction given to a lab, which can be misunderstood, will be
  • There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work
  • Never tell the Photo Editor you have nothing to do
  • Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't
  • No photojournalist is well dressed
  • No well dressed photographer is a photojournalist
  • Professional photographers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs
  • The nature shots invariably happen on two occasions:
  • -when animals are ready.
  • -when you're not.
  • Same rule just substitute children
  • Client Intelligence is a contradiction
  • There is no such thing as a perfect shoot
  • The important things are always simple
  • The simple things are always hard
  • Flashes will fail as soon as you need them
  • A clean (and dry) camera is a magnet for dust, mud and moisture
  • Photo experience is something you never get until just after you need it
  • The self-importance of a client is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness)
  • The lens that falls is always the most expensive.
  • when you drop a lens cap, the inside part always lands face down in the mud.
  • Bugs always want to land on the mirror during a lens swap.
  • Your batteries will always go dead or you will need to put in a new film canister at the least opportune moment.
  • Your batteries will always go dead during a long exposure (so with the shutter open).
  • When you shoot the night away and never have to stop. Your film did not roll on to the take up reel.
  • Sent by Les Benton
  • Camera are designed with a built-in sensor, that senses the anticipation to develop the film.
  • When the level of anticipation is highest, this sensor causes the back to flip open exposing the film.
  • Sent by Takura Razemba
  • Lenses are attracted back to their source - hard rocks.
  • Corollary:
  • The more expensive the lens, the greater the attraction.
  • No matter how long you've had a convention for marking film holders, you will forget it - when exposing the once-in-a-lifetime shot.
  • Safelights - aren't.
  • The greater a photographer's excitement, the greater its chance of fogging film, scratching prints, and deleting files.
  • The success of an assignment is inversely proportional to the product of its importance and the number of people watching.
  • Strobes only explode when lots of people are watching.
  • Corollary:
  • Strobes only work when there is nobody else to see.
  • The last six laws and corollaries were sent by Jason Antman

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